weekend bonding time

It was bonding time for me and my brother yesterday. I enjoyed it. We went to WI’s State Capitol and took some pictures. We met Nenet and Thea first sa Sundance Cinemas then dumiretso na kami sa downtown where the State Capitol is. Since weekend, maraming tao and masaya. Kasi sa west side where my kuya’s apartment is mas konti ang tao. You usually see them lang sa malls, grocery stores, etc.  It was actually a long way but it was worth it.

Nakakatawa pa hindi kabisado ni Thea ang downtown, she and Nenet got lost. Nakakailang ikot na kami pero they got in the wrong way pala:) We parked the car and just waited for them at MATC. Finally, nakarating na rin sila and makaka-lunch na rin kami. Medyo malayo ang pinagpark-an namin so we had to walk pa ng malayo papunta sa Chinese resto na gusto nilang kainan. Unfortunately, sobra na kaming nilalamig (it’s a lot, lot colder kasi may lake) kaya dun na lang kami sa Japanese resto that we passed by. After lunch, naghiwa-hiwalay na kami ’cause Thea had to do her laundry. While kami ni kuya naglakad-lakad papunta sa State Capitol and luckily may amateur skiing race. So, siyempre picture-picture. Pero grabe talaga, my hands and feet were almost numbed from the cold. Marami ring nagte-take ng pictures. The Asians lang that I saw there were the Japs (4 girls, 2 guys). Masaya kahit malamig, kaya napa-yosi ako sa harap ng kuya ko hehe:) Actually, mas nilalamig si kuya ’cause he was wearing a winter coat lang, buti na lang naka-wind breaker ako. Hehe, feeling ko nga ang pangit ng pictures ko kasi ang hirap ngumiti dahil feeling ko nag-numb na rin mukha ko:)

We didn’t watch the race anymore. After taking the pictures, we decided na umuwi na rin ’cause Nenet and Thea will drop by sa apartment for dinner. Kuya will cook his leche flan and siyempre my specialty, adobo hehe:0) Actually, ang dami lang kasi ng chicken sa fridge pa kaya kelangan nang maluto and maubos. We bought some eggs etc muna at Copps. Hehe, nakakatuwa kasi kuya even pays for my sanitary napkins (I’d like to pay it pero siya na raw eh.) Even when we’re eating out, I’d like to pay for my meals kaso ayaw niya eh..ayaw niya talaga kong pagastusin hehe:0) Sinabi ko lang the other day that I need a hair dryer and moisturizer, pag-uwi niya from the hospital…binili niya na ko. Ang sarap ng may older sibling hehe:) By 630p, Nenet and Thea arrived. They brought tiramisu. Well, nasarapan naman sila sa luto ko hehe:0)

That’s the State Capitol. 

Pahabol: that night, I dreamed of Nyles and Jake. Paalis pa lang raw si Nyles…hmmm, I’m missing Nyles that’s why..lately, wala rin kaming communication eh. Baka she’s texting me sa service unit ko, eh I’m using prepaid right now.

10th day?..in the land of milk and honey

We saw Atonement yesterday. Hindi ko masyado nagustuhan yung movie, I got a little bored. I nearly fell asleep again hehe:) Before kami nanood movie, we ate lunch first at Hongkong Wok. Kuya ordered a beef stew for me (ang laki ng serving- almost for 3 yung inorder niya para sa akin), chicken curry for him, pork chops for Nenet (it’s too salty for my taste) and noodle ala pancit canton for Thea. We’re almost done when Franklin arrived. He ate all our left over food since matakaw naman siya hehe:) Actually, Franklin’s very funny. Since the movie will start at 250pm, we had lots of time so we walked around Macy’s. May nakita ko 3 bracelets and 1 white gold earrings for only 20$. I told Franklin and he bought it as pasalubong pag-uwi niya ng Pinas next week. I was tempted too to buy the bracelet/earring package pero I need to save my money for our LA trip baka marami ring clearance sale dun. hehe.

After that, naglakad-lakad lang ulit then we had coffee which Franklin paid. By past 7pm, nagyaya naman si Nenet for dinner. We had it at Outback. The place was full and we waited for 45 minutes to be seated. All in all masaya yung dinner, kasi kwentuhan and clown ulit si Franklin..saya! Today naman, my brother and I watched Sweeney Todd. Maganda yung movie, bloody and musical. Magaling si Johnny Depp and he looks like his character in Edward Scissor’s hands (both movies are directed by Tim Burton). And, Sweeney Todd’s cinematography is a bit like that of Batman’s (that’s the first thing I noticed, actually) kaya pala, it’s another Tim Burton’s film. Going home, kuya took a different route na. Pumunta kami sa downtown  ng Madison instead. It’s beautiful at night, the lights and the snow. I think, ideal ang WI for families pero siguro pag single ka it’s a little boring and depressing at times esp pag winter time. But if mas preferred ang peaceful, quiet environment then okay na rin siya for singles.

I noticed that Americans here in WI are polite and well-mannered. They hold the door for you, they smile kapag nagkatinginan kayo and most of them are accomodating. I think, it’s not as diverse kumpara sa other states in the US. Tapos one thing pa that I notice is they’re disciplined (though siyempre meron pa ring iba na hindi sumusunod) sa highway/road, sa pedestrians crossing, when you eat sa food court sa mall or mcdo etc kailangan mong itapon sarili mong trash. Siguro normal lang talaga for anyone to notice these things kasi nga esp kung iba sa pinanggalingan at nakasanayan mo. Kaya masarap sometimes ma-expose sa ibang culture e. Marami ka ring matututunan.  At first, you get intimidated (esp for first time traveller like me) by them kasi they’re really confident eh but sooner you’ll learn na rin. Ako, I didn’t actually have good impression of them honestly. I’m a little biased and the tendency is, you assert yourself without the need to. Parang it’s a little unfair talaga when you’ve created an impression already without really knowing them. Nakaka-cloud ng judgment. And we don’t wanna be judged, too. Ang hirap talaga ng may impressions agad, sometimes no matter what you/they do, ang nakikita mo lang yung pangit. It’s unfair talaga. hehe. (Hindi ko ma-explain mabuti no? hehe. I don’t wanna write it eh. But I’m not a racist or something. Meron lang ako before na pre-conceived notions about people from other countries esp those that played a role sa history ng Pinas hehe).

Well, it’s an eye opener for me. I’m an outsider and an observer.  A visitor.

It’s good to learn somebody else’s culture and way of life. Different from ours. Both colorful.

One only needs to have an open heart and mind to see the beauty of both worlds.

one lazy monday

Exercise.. one thing I abandoned a long time ago hehe:0) But today I had the opportunity to do it. Since mag-isa lang ako sa apartment this morning and may interview ang brother ko sa dialysis, I exercised and danced. Actually, eversince naman I know how to dance (hindi nga lang sing-galing nina Taj or Cheska) hehe:) but I can move to the simple steps naman. Anyway, I put on Christina Aguilera’s cd and danced. Before I did that, nag exercise muna ako for about 15minutes. Lately, naaaddict na yata ako sa soda and ayokong mag-gain masyado ng weight kaya this time, I’ll exercise every morning. Buti na lang rin I’m not into chocolates now unlike before. Still, I’m not depriving myself of the food I want to eat ’cause hindi naman ako nag-rereduce ng weight, just trying to maintain it. If and when I’ll gain, okay lang, I can lose it anytime I want to. So yun nga, after the dance and the exercise, pinagpawisan ako.

It’s good too that it wasn’t snowing and maaraw. Mas masarap maglakad without layers of clothes. Actually, I tried kaso in the middle medyo nilamig na rin ako. I left the windbreaker in the car so nagmadali na lang akong maglakad. That was when we went to Barnes and Noble Bookseller. Madami discounted books. I bought a book by Donald Trump, Think Big and Kick Ass. I want to buy more pa sana kaso masakit ulo ng kuya ko kaya we went home agad. Well, next time kailangan may mabili pa ako book. I saw some about love and relationships, etc..pero, graduate na muna ako sa mga ganong tema ng babasahin, for the mean time lang hehe:)

When we were on our way home, may nakita ko isang white guy holding a parang placard that read: “out of gas, out of food. please help.” Tinanong ko sa kuya ko kung merong tumutulong sa mga ganun dito, he said very seldom rin. And sabi niya panigurado may mga bisyo yung ganyan. The man is still young, with beard, naka-camouflage jacket and cap. How long did he stand in the cold kaya or did someone give him a dime? Well, mas maraming mas kawawa sa atin. Mas maswerte pa rin siya.

Ang bait ni Nenet, she gave me a white sweater. Kaya pala when we were at Target’s she asked me kung ano ang size ko dito and if I like white ( I do)..sabi na nga ba eh. Tama ang guess ko eh.

self matters

I love this part in Dr. Phil McGraw’s book, Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

     “You had an unshakable understanding of your own worth. You trusted yourself. You were having fun, and you didn’t care what others thought. There was no room in your life for fear, or anxiety or self-doubt. Every part of your life was in harmony with the other parts. You were living fully in the present moment, yet you had a sense of optimism, an expectation that tomorrow was going to be just as interesting and gratifying as today. Life seemed to be filled with vivid colors. Your own life was the most interesting one you knew, and you couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.

      Perhaps the most important was the fact you accepted yourself for who and what you were. The result was kind of bulletproofing from the judgment of others. Because you felt so good about yourself, because you felt self-determined and in control, you couldn’t care less what others thought about you. It was YOU that mattered, not in a selfish way, but in a confident way. Without judgment you were proud of yourself and walked with a sense of pride and self-assurance. You weren’t sure what the future would bring, but you were sure that you could handle it. Self-acceptance was the foundation of the happiest time in your life and it was the engine that powered the train.”

Little Indulgences

Here are some of the suggestions on how to treat ourselves via Cynthia Macgregor’s book, Little Indulgences.

1. Write a poem about someone you love–your beloved, a close friend, a family member. As you write it, you’ll remember all the things that you love about that person, and why he or she is special to you. - I’ve done this so many times already and Ill keep on doing this:)\

2. Mark a memory. Sit at the computer or curl up with a notepad and a good pen and remember-in exquisite detail- one of the most wonderful things that’s ever happened to you. It could be your first kiss, your wedding day, a surprise birthday party that truly was a surprise. Dwell on how wonderful you felt then and feel those emotions returning now.

3. Go to a salon and have your eyebrows professionally shaped. — never done this yet but I’ve always wanted to. I shape my own brows and they’re not good, hehe:)

4. Start a gratitude notebook. (A small, inexpensive notebook you can carry in your bag works just as well as a fancy journal.) List all the things you are grateful for. Add to your notebook from time to time. And read it over when you feel like life is dealing you a nasty hand.–I always carry a notebook, a notepad or a journal in my bag. I write my daily sentiments in life. But then, it doesn’t need to be just a ’sentiment’ thing for me, yeah, I can make a space dedicated solely for showing gratitude.

5. Give yourself permission to procrastinate.– I do this, I think, everyday:)

6. Give some time to a charitable or other do-good effort. Be a ‘big sister’, teach an adult to read or simply stuff envelopes for a fund-raising drive for the local library or homeless shelter. By doing good for the others, you’ll feel good about yourself.– I’d like to try this but I always procrastinate. I don’t need someone to go along with me to be able to do this. I can try this alone–I’m trying to psyche myself hehe:)

7. Read the employment ads–and not just the ones pertaining to your current career, but every ad. Imagine yourself changing careers in midstream. What else would you like to do? Now, are any of these temptations actually feasible?–hmmmmmmmmmm….

8. Write a fan letter to your favorite singer, actress, writer, or other performer or artist. Don’t gush- say why you’re a fan, praising the person’s work honestly. Who knows- you might get a personal reply.– did this once though I didn’t get a personal reply..as if. hehe:)

9. The next time you visit your favorite restaurant, don’t order your favorite food. Order something new and different and daring!– Yeah, I might. I always order the same food over and over again. I’m not that very adventurous when it comes to food.

10. Go for a walk in the moonlight, away from the street lights, and enjoy the panoply of stars above. Watch carefully- you might be lucky and get to see a meteor.– always wanted to just walk under the moonlight, with someone special. When will I be able to do this? sigh.

11. Forgive someone.Decide for yourself whether or not to tell the person you’ve forgiven. Sometimes it’s enough just to privately forgive.– Yeah, I agree. But it’s still best to tell the person face to face that he or she is forgiven.

12. Go to a sidewalk cafe with a good friend or alone, enjoy a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or a bite of food, and people-watch as you eat or sip. — we do this a lot and it has always been a relief for me that we can indulge ourselves and be happy and content even by just sipping coffee or gossiping hehe:)

13. Cheer someone else up. Sometimes looking at the problems of others helps us put our own into perspective- and even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll feel better just for having made someone else happier.– very true!

14. Write a poem- any subject. The meter doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to ever show the poem to anyone. Just write it for your own pleasure.– this reminded me of Suby’s latest blog entry. You’re right there, Suby. Anyone who has a blog doesn’t have to conform to anything. It’s our own. We put into writing our private thoughts and nobody has to read it unless they want to, let’s write whatever we want to write.

15. Do something particularly nice for someone else. You’ll feel good, too.– so, so true! It’s an ecstatic feeling.

16. If you’re single, go on a blind date. –hehe, never tried this. Friends usually set me up for one but I always decline.

to be continued….

my knight

Last night you were in my dreams again. I liked dreaming about you because it connects us into another time, into another place. It makes me happy to be with you even in thoughts:)

I don’t know why. Maybe I still have feelings for you. I hope you do, too.

A busy fun day

Today was a lot of fun. I went out with my kuya’s friends (Nenet, Thea and Franklin). It’s good of them to invite me though my brother’s not with us since he’s on a 12 hour shift today. We ate lunch at China Buffet. Inside there were few Mexicans and Chinese and of course us, then the rest are whites. The food was good though I’m not really into Chinese food. After that, we went to Target store again because Franklin needed to buy some ‘pasalubong’ since he’ll be vacationing in the Philippines next week. He’ll be there for only two weeks. In almost every store that we go to there’s a clearance sale and that tempted me to buy. So I bought some shirts for myself and kikay stuff. Next we proceeded to Marshalls. Franklin wasn’t able to find an umbrella that’s especially requested by his mother at Target’s. There are so many goods on sale and all of us were able to find the things we want. Nenet wanted to have an ice cream so they decided to go to another mall, so we went. Thea, Nenet and I had our 3 flavored ice creams while Franklin had 2 tacos. Done with eating already, we decided to look around. I bought a Victoria’s secret body mist for my mother which I’m sure she’ll like. It was 7pm already when we agreed to finally call it a day.

I was rushing to the apartment by the time Franklin dropped me off because I needed to cook dinner for my brother. He requested for adobo and I haven’t prepared it before I left. Fortunately, he arrived at past 8pm and by that time, our meal’s cooked already. It’s my first time to cook adobo again.

randomness

1. It’s been snowing all day today, still we went out. Since my brother’s apartment is just across a department store, we decided to go there. I just bought some pasalubong for my brothers. Sa Old Navy nakabili ako ng shirts on sale. I was looking for a sweater for myself kaya lang sobrang malalaki ang sizes. Ang small nila is like large na for me. We drove instead to Walmart kung saan may mga cheap buys and there nakabili ako ng sweater for only 6$. So, XS ang size ko dito hehe:) Then, I bought some lipsticks, whitening strips and re-chargeable toothbrush. Naka-over a hundred dollars ako pero marami na rin akong nabili kahit paano. My brother told me that we’ll go to some other places where we can buy cheaper stuff pa.

2. My brother and his friend Nenet hate the winter season. According to him, they usually think of moving out of WI when winter comes. It’s sort of depressing siguro for them. Spring is better daw. Actually my brother is on his 5th year here already and by June mage-end na contract niya with the apartment that he’s renting. He wants to move to San Francisco instead. Well, I just hope that he’ll be able to convince Nenet too to move with him to SF para magkasama pa rin sila. I’m comfortable with her and she’s nice. Sana she’ll change her mind from Texas to SF.

3. I remember Ferna told me na baka tumaba raw ako dito, but I don’t think so hehe:) I think talagang hindi ako masyadong matakaw ngayon unlike before. Like tonight, I only ate fruits pero yun nga lang with 1 large soda. Ewan ko rin, who knows baka bukas tumakaw ako hehe:)

4. What I’m excited about is our trip to LA. It’s a 3 1/2 hr flight pero okay lang because I want to see disneyland, hehe:0) Kasi I want to have lots of picture there, yun lang. My brother has booked a hotel for us already and we’ll be there from Feb 7 to 11. Wow, I’m so excited! I think I’ll love it there and I’m sure there’ll be lots of places to see.

first timer

Got here in Wisconsin yesterday.. at last. While on the plane, I thought it would be better if I take a sleeping pill ’cause I’m not really comfortable in long flights. Well, I didn’t need to take a sleeping pill ’cause I slept all the way through. So, the 11 hour flight from Japan to Detroit was bearable. I wasn’t really disturbed by the turbulence as i thought I would be. Detroit’s airport was big and beautiful. There was a tram too that you can ride to get you to your destination gate but we didn’t take the tram anymore. We opted to walk. From Detroit to Wisconsin, it only took us 50 minutes. We were the only Filipino/Asians there kasi papunta na ng Wisconsin. Unlike yung to Japan and Detroit, mixed pa.

Nenet, my brother’s friend picked us from the airport. On the way to the car, that’s my first encounter of the snow. Gosh, it was so cold, cold, cold. I guess, if I’ve stayed outside for more than 7 mins, nanigas na ko hehe:) The wind easily dries out your skin and super unbearable ang cold. I was already wearing layers of sweats inside plus a coat, still malamig pa rin. Well, it’s just my first day. I’ll adapt to it in a few days (I hope so).

When we arrived at my Kuya’s apartment, I tried to smoke at the patio (since ayaw niya ng nags-smoke hehe), wala pa yatang 1 minute ako outside hindi ko na kaya hehe. I like his apartment, it’s big and minimalist ang style niya plus he lives alone so perfect for us yung apartment. Later afterlunch, we’re gonna watch a movie…action/thriller (I forgot the title). And siyempre, I wanna see more of the place, I hope lang I can cope with the cold..

..I gotta go, need to take a shower and watch a movie..maya ulit.

spur of the moment

The same old feeling returns…confusion, doubt…

It is difficult to ignore the things that one sees.

It’s like trust is still non-existent. Disappointment and frustration set in,

That feeling has long been absent. I did not miss it.

Totally erased by a new ray of hope…but I was wrong.

It will only be a circle…no ending.

It cannot be avoided thus the feeling will only linger.

And I will not bear it…

For there is another life beyond.

I know I am afraid of the unknown…but I will be ready for it.

For when it comes, it will be a different story…

with different ending..maybe not the best…

At least, better.

But who knows what fate will bring to us all?

I will look into its beauty with different eyes.

With different perspective.