I am THANKFUL because…..

These are just few of what I consider my blessings.

1. I have a family who loves me unconditionally. A family who has been there and will always be with me in the ups and downs of my life. Yes, there were times that I’ve taken them for granted when I was younger but I’m catching and making up for those times. I thank God for they are all healthy, too.

1. I have a God who never ceases to protect me and my family. HE never failed me in all the things I asked of him how selfish I might be.

1. I have friends who give me the ‘nourishment’ that I need. I can go out and have a good time with them anytime. They are like food to my soul.

1. I have a job that supports my basic needs. The same job that provides me the opportunity to be of assistance to my family.

1. I can all use my senses and ‘am not sick.

1. I have enough faith that gives me the courage to continue believing that every problem can be solved no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem.

1. I was brought up by my parents the best way they knew how. It wasn’t perfect but they gave me the foundation to be the person I am today. 

1. I gained wisdom from my failures in the past.

1. I have pets to care for and ‘am capable of nurturing another life.

1. We have a roof over our heads.

1. I never have to ask others for food, clothes and money.

1. I have the means to spend on basic necessities and affordable luxuries.

1. I have the capacity to love and be loved.

1. I can help other people with the little things I have and feel happy about it.

1. I am capable of self-realizations and discoveries that make me want to improve myself more and be at peace with myself.

1. Even with some worries and at times not being content in life, I still can find ways to balance things.

1. I have the power to forgive myself and others.

1. I can appreciate things and people that sometimes I take for granted.

1. I can reason out and fight for what I believe in.

1. I can enjoy a lot of things, tangible or not.

1. I have the ability to feel pain, sadness, despair, happiness….every emotion possible.

1. I am ALIVE and living life to the best of my ability.

There are just so many things to be thankful for.

Gossip Girl

Now I love Gossip Girl!

I bought a Gossip Girl dvd three months ago, I think.And whenever it was being shown on TV I would just ignore it. I even asked some friends if it’s a really worth watching series since I’ve been hearing from others that they are hooked on it.I also asked Nyles twice or thrice if it’s really good and she said that she’s already on its second season. So, it has been sitting there for a long time now without me watching it. So this afternoon, after watching The Women (Meg Ryan, Annette Benning, Jada P. etc) I put Gossip Girl on. What led me to watch it too was because I was so disappointed with the Incredible Hulk 2 dvd, it wasn’t working at all (hehe, this is what I get for buying ———– copies). Well anyway, I’m now on Episode 4 and I’m hooked! 

pinoy jokes

Basahin niyo ‘to, nakakatuwa. Nakita ko ‘to sa:http://pinoytextjokes.blogspot.com. Nakakatuwa mga pinoy jokes.

Maalaala Mo Kaya Sosyal

Dear Ate Charo,

It’s so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor. You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga.

Eh ‘di I went. But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang.

Would you believe, there’s no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn’t work pa. And this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn’t make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay. Do you feel my pain nab a?

But wait, there’s more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy’s Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the ikot jeep. It was so siksik. I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the ikot jeeps are old na nga, they’re mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with the shuttle system. Okay lang naman even if there’s an increase in pamasahe ‘di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card to make bayad.

Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It’s so kadiri talaga. I’m forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I’m so inis because it’s so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don’t have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn’t have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.

My gosh, this place is so bulok I don’t know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need or whiteboards dib a? But you know even if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy. Now I’m in my Third year na. I don’t want to stay in this place anymore. I don’t give a paki if UP’s the best university here. I’m going to transfer to Assumption, where the CR’s have liquid soap.

Tnx.

HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes

I’d like to share this with you.

Philippine Star

HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes

Updated December 14, 2008 12:00 AM

I never experienced having a decent conversation with my father. Ever.
That’s because he died at age 41 when I was only six years old. I’ve
often wondered about him and what he was like. Sometimes I imagine that
he must have put me on his lap a few times and hugged me or tried to
talk to me, a kid who was clueless about how much he loved me.

This is one of the things I missed, being the ninth of 10 children to a
father who died early. And because I never had it, I try to make up for
it by consciously trying to be the father I needed to my kids when I
can. In my work, I travel a lot so when I am at home, I try to insinuate
myself into the lives of my kids through conversation, or by just being
around and accessible, half-waiting for an opportunity to connect with
them somehow.

It is not always easy. Many times, they do not want you around or to be
too available. As they grow up, they want distance and, depending on the
phase they are in, it can be a short distance or quite a long one. I
guess the constant presence of parents is seen as some sort of
encroachment on their desire for independence as they grow up.

I relish the years when they were younger, when I actually enjoyed their
dependence on me for homework and other academic stuff they needed help
with. I also remember fondly our long conversations at the dinner table
about anything and everything. It was so reassuring and wonderful to
listen to them talk because not only did we marvel at how they had
grown, but it allowed Lydia and me a glimpse into their unfolding lives.
It was a way of knowing where they were at. It was also an opportunity
for us to give our two cents’ worth of advice on a few things.

We still have these moments occasionally, but as I get older, I feel
they are never enough. I often wish I could still put them on my lap and
just hug them, but I guess that is simply not realistic anymore.

Today, I told my son that I wanted to spend this weekend with him by
taking him to Davao for some scuba diving. He said, apologetically, that
he had plans to go out of town with his friends. He must have noticed my
slight disappointment when I told him that, as we get older, there will
be less and less time for such things.

Even if I am disappointed, I actually understand where he is coming from
since I was young once. I remember how I felt no urgency to grab any
opportunity to be with my mother, expecting that she would always be
around. I guess it just doesn’t seem real to one so young: the notion
that time does creep up and opportunities do pass by and will never return.

I was in my late 30s when I began to feel that there might not be much
time left to spend with my aging mother. It was only then that I found
more occasions to see her for the opportunity — and pleasure — of just
sitting and talking with her.

Parents need to make a conscious effort to accept that our children
become less and less “our own” as they grow up and discover themselves.
They do have to come into their own and outgrow us. And painful as it
feels at first, growing up is actually one of the best compliments our
children can give us.

And as they grow up, there is a reversal of roles. Where we once
protected them when they were kids, as adults, they are now our
protectors. When my mom was alive, I remember changing the TV channel
from the sexually charged images of MTV to something more “benign” when
she would visit me at home. Our kids do the same to us now. Where once,
we shielded them from the craziness of the world, now they hide these
from us or disguise the meanings of things we do not readily understand
about their world so as not to upset us.

From our children’s point of view, our appreciation of their maturity
rate is often belated. They feel that we underestimate their
capabilities to make their own decisions. From our point of view as
parents, it will always be difficult to see them as ever “arriving”
fully. We still feel the need to give advice even when they don’t ask
for it. But can we really help it otherwise? It took a lot of effort for
us to become parents. In many ways, we will never outlive the role.

Often, I tell my kids, especially when things turn out as I predicted in
their lives, that “Sometimes, you have to consider that your father may
be right.” It is a way of reminding them of the arrogance of youth that
every generation is contaminated with, just as my generation had its
bravado and chutzpah.

“Every generation thinks it has the answers, and every generation is
humbled by nature,” the scientist Philip Lubin, correctly observed. In
moments like these, I feel a validation and quietly bask in their
grudging respect.

I tell friends who are having kids for the first time that from the time
their kids are born, there will never be a day in their lives when they
(parents) will not think and worry about them. Even now that most of my
kids are fully grown up, I still think about them many times a day and
sometimes I find something to worry about. My wife Lydia probably does
this 10 times more than I do. When I see something wrong with their
attitude, I feel a panic as I project into the future the consequences
that it could result in. I literally feel like “coming on strong” in
their lives again and try to backtrack and “correct” them.

But more and more, I restrain myself and trust in the wisdom that, more
than my admonitions, life itself will be the better teacher.

I have met parents who practically “disowned” their children for things
they did, like getting pregnant outside of marriage, only to bond with
them in ever-greater ways when the child was born. Sometimes I wonder if
it is because they suddenly awakened to the full reality that their
children have become just like them — parents! Or is it because by
having to raise a child, they see an opportunity for their kids to learn
for themselves things that their parents tried to teach them but failed?

According to American writer Lewis Mumford, “Every generation revolts
against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.” This is so
true. It is a lot easier and less stressful to shower unconditional love
on a grandchild because we are no longer burdened by parental
responsibility. And blessed is the grandchild because she bridges the
gaps in the difficult relationship between her caring grandparents and
her rebellious parent.

I never thought I’d ever say this, especially when I recall its most
difficult moments, but I do miss parenting. Just as it is the future of
our children to become adults and perhaps parents themselves, what do
parents metamorphose into when their children are grown?

A Hebrew proverb goes: “Whoever teaches his son teaches not alone his
son but also his son’s son, and so on to the end of generations.” Like
our parents, and their parents before them, we will simply go on being
parents even past our lifetimes. What has been started will never end.
That is, somehow, a comforting thought.

my other blogsite

Hi friends, I created another blog site which is: http://cel-simplerthoughts.blogspot.com/. I usually encounter difficulty logging in since I’m having problems with the browser that I’m using. So I created another one just in case.

to write or not to write

I aspired to be a writer when I was young. I loved writing essays. I even joined essay writing contests during high school. There were times too that I would often re-read the essay that I wrote whether it be in Filipino or English. And I couldn’t believe that I wrote it haha. It’s not that it was any good. I just couldn’t believe that what’s written was what I had in mind that time. And that continued until college. I had journals where I write everything that happens in my college life. I used to write poems, scripts and short stories, too. In one of our production classes, I’m always working ‘behind the camera’ and I always choose to be a scriptwriter. I didn’t have a computer then. I only had a manual typewriter which I bought for P2000 or less. I used to borrow from my cousin but one time it wasn’t available so I urged my father to buy me a typewriter. He gave me money and bought it myself in one of the stores in Recto. It came to be one of my prized possessions. I didn’t even let my brothers use it. I loved that typewriter.

Though I loved writing, I didn’t take our writing class seriously. I didn’t take it to heart. All I knew that time was I wanted to write about things that interested me. I just didn’t care about the rules (if there are any). Going back, I wished I took our writing class seriously. It could have helped meJ

I was reading and hopping from one blog to another and I envy those who really have the talent to write. Well, it really doesn’t have to be formal and all because I believe in its free form feature. You needn’t really conform to the rules. For me, it’ more of getting them (the readers) engaged in reading. Making them look forward to what you’re going to write the next time. It’s the content that matters more to me, I guess and the ‘heart’. I remember Cheska telling us that she wished she writes well. She wished she’s good at it. Well, Cheska, you’re good at it. You write so well! My eyes are green with envy..hehehJ I like Suby’s style of writing too..ala Bob Ong. I like the switches in topic and style. Ferna’s more of a serious writer for me. She can convey her thoughts well.

So keep on writing! You all have a fan in me.

pay it forward

I watched Pay it Forward last night while waiting for Survivor: Philippines. The movie was good. I cried in some scenes especially in the last few scenes when people congregated outside their (Arlene and Trevor’s) house with lighted candles and flowers. click here for the synopsis. It was really touching. The idea of paying a good deed forward is wonderful. It seemed like too ideal but in a reality we can all do this. We can all do good deeds to other people. Since I was inspired by the movie, I suddenly thought and asked myself last night:  What good deeds have I done that day? Were there any? Did I do something nice and good to other people? Yes, I think I did. I gave up my seat to an old woman in the MRT. I assisted a mother who had a baby in her arms and helped her other child to get off the bus and lead the child to the other side of the road. The old woman and the mother smiled and thanked me. I smiled back and I felt good. I see these happen almost everyday, in the streets, in the bus, etc. I believe that we’ve all done good deeds to others, in our own small ways. And we don’t do it out of pretense. I believe that in the heart of our hearts, we are all good and compassionate individuals. We always have room in our hearts to do nice things to others.

my realizations today

I was reading my other blogs and found this which I posted last September:

For the past days, heto na naman ako. Feeling bored. Sometimes naiinggit ako sa iba kong mga friends who are happy. Yung parang may purpose in life. Pero may purpose rin naman ako. Minsan nga lang magulo. Minsan paiba-iba. But ever since, I have a purpose in life.
Every year na dumarating ang birthday ko, I always pray na sana lahat ng mga winish ko dati, magkatotoo. Na sana, yung purpose ko in life, matupad. Kahit unti-unti. Kahit matagal. Basta, magkatotoo lang. Wala naman sigurong masama dun dib a? Kaya every year talaga, I make it a point not to forget to pray about the things I want to have or events I want to happen. Sabi nga, when you pray, you have to spell it out with God kung ano ba talaga ang gusto mo. Kailangan detalyado para kapag ibinigay na sa iyo, it’s the same exact thing that you want.

bad weather

I got an email from a friend yesterday. I can say that I was a bit offended because I sensed sarcasm on her message. The three of them are planning to have a Christmas party in a hotel including me. The first email from the other friend was sort of ‘they will adjust their time for me so I can join them.’ The second one (where I sensed sarcasm) said that yes, they’ll adjust their time because I haven’t been joining them for quite some time now. She sarcastically asked, if I have a bf? Am I pregnant? Living in with a bf? Sick? etc…all because I’m not available for them numerous times already. She said that they won’t judge me if any of the above is true blah..blah..blah. Then she again asked me kidding aside, if I can meet with them this December. I really felt the sarcasm and I was tempted to reply right there and then. I cooled myself down first before I did. After a few minutes, I replied and told them not to adjust their time for me (me not being there, shouldn’t ruin their plans anyway). That they should push through with it but I didn’t confirm my availability (because I’m not sure yet if I really want toJ) I don’t want to compromise myself, I guess. Then, I specifically addressed the rest of the email to the other one telling her that none of her multiple-choice-like questions are correct.

Don’t mistake me and think that they are bad people. No they’re not. They are my friends way back from the first company I worked for. Since the company needed to close down that time we went our own ways until I finally got in here (GT). During those times, we never saw each other. Then an opportunity came and we were in touch again. None of the things I have shared my friends now, I’ve shared with them. Every time we see each other, we always talk about our old acquaintances and officemates. It’s seldom that we really talk. When I’m able to talk about myself freely, about my family, about my happiness and problems etc., I treasure the person I have shared those things with. I feel that they don’t know me well. It’s not that I don’t treasure them; I do because they’re my friends. I believe that somehow we drifted apart. Friendships, I think, whether we admit or not, have its own intensities, too. We feel this way for this friend; feel another way to that friend, etc.

When I was still in HL , of course, the schedule was ever-changing. They were willing to adjust to it just so that I can see them. And I wasn’t always available because of work and schedule. So whenever I really have the time, I see them. Though it very much irritated me those times that I’ll hear them saying I’m always not available, what planet I’m working in, that I’m hibernating, etc…heheJ  Just plain tired explaining the reasons for my absence and even felt that they didn’t understand me at all. That started my being cold to them. I’m not so eager to be with them anymore, I make excuses and most of the time doesn’t reply to their messages. Am I bad? Maybe I am:) Guilty too for feeling this way.

Also, they know that I’m constantly there for my kikay friends but not to them. I like their company. They understand me. They know me. We talk about almost anything. There’s compromise and real talk. Yeah I know, perhaps I’m not giving them enough chance. I should appreciate the fact that they want my company. I know I shouldn’t compare. All people have their unique qualities. I should be thankful that they treat me their special friend to never cease on inviting me and even willingly make adjustments. Maybe soon, I’ll see them when I no longer feel this way.

 By the way, I’m so excited to attend our HS reunion on Saturday. I’ve actually called two of my closest friends in HS yesterday to confirm if they are attending. Looking forward to this event. After more than 10 years, we’ll fin’lly see each other again! It’ll be so much fun, I’m sure.

outburst

I feel kinda sad lately. Not really sure why..I don’t know. 

Boredom. Stress.  Uncertainty. These are three of the things that contribute to it, I guess. The first two will always be a part of my everyday life. But the third? To be uncertain is such a burden. What am I so uncertain about? Why is it that I feel this way? There are so many things that I want to do, to see, to experience, to look forward to. I’ve written and told my friends about it so many times: that I don’t know when or where to start. I’m just plain complacent, so passive in life that things within my grasps seem so unreachable. Huh! Sometimes I get tired of thinking of what I should do. Fear is always present. I just don’t have enough guts to follow my heart. Hayyy! 

Last night, I was attempting to write to my other blog but couldn’t write any. So I finally gave up and told myself, next time maybe. I was a little frustrated. Not being able to write anything about yourself, about what you feel, about your day, etc. And I’m supposed to be writing for myself! It’s an anonymous journal. Yet, I couldn’t translate my thoughts into writing. I shouldn’t wait for something big to happen to be able to communicate what I feel! It really frustrates me. 

Yeah, it’s one big proof that I’m burnt out and couldn’t think straight.