one lazy monday

Exercise.. one thing I abandoned a long time ago hehe:0) But today I had the opportunity to do it. Since mag-isa lang ako sa apartment this morning and may interview ang brother ko sa dialysis, I exercised and danced. Actually, eversince naman I know how to dance (hindi nga lang sing-galing nina Taj or Cheska) hehe:) but I can move to the simple steps naman. Anyway, I put on Christina Aguilera’s cd and danced. Before I did that, nag exercise muna ako for about 15minutes. Lately, naaaddict na yata ako sa soda and ayokong mag-gain masyado ng weight kaya this time, I’ll exercise every morning. Buti na lang rin I’m not into chocolates now unlike before. Still, I’m not depriving myself of the food I want to eat ’cause hindi naman ako nag-rereduce ng weight, just trying to maintain it. If and when I’ll gain, okay lang, I can lose it anytime I want to. So yun nga, after the dance and the exercise, pinagpawisan ako.

It’s good too that it wasn’t snowing and maaraw. Mas masarap maglakad without layers of clothes. Actually, I tried kaso in the middle medyo nilamig na rin ako. I left the windbreaker in the car so nagmadali na lang akong maglakad. That was when we went to Barnes and Noble Bookseller. Madami discounted books. I bought a book by Donald Trump, Think Big and Kick Ass. I want to buy more pa sana kaso masakit ulo ng kuya ko kaya we went home agad. Well, next time kailangan may mabili pa ako book. I saw some about love and relationships, etc..pero, graduate na muna ako sa mga ganong tema ng babasahin, for the mean time lang hehe:)

When we were on our way home, may nakita ko isang white guy holding a parang placard that read: “out of gas, out of food. please help.” Tinanong ko sa kuya ko kung merong tumutulong sa mga ganun dito, he said very seldom rin. And sabi niya panigurado may mga bisyo yung ganyan. The man is still young, with beard, naka-camouflage jacket and cap. How long did he stand in the cold kaya or did someone give him a dime? Well, mas maraming mas kawawa sa atin. Mas maswerte pa rin siya.

Ang bait ni Nenet, she gave me a white sweater. Kaya pala when we were at Target’s she asked me kung ano ang size ko dito and if I like white ( I do)..sabi na nga ba eh. Tama ang guess ko eh.

self matters

I love this part in Dr. Phil McGraw’s book, Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

     “You had an unshakable understanding of your own worth. You trusted yourself. You were having fun, and you didn’t care what others thought. There was no room in your life for fear, or anxiety or self-doubt. Every part of your life was in harmony with the other parts. You were living fully in the present moment, yet you had a sense of optimism, an expectation that tomorrow was going to be just as interesting and gratifying as today. Life seemed to be filled with vivid colors. Your own life was the most interesting one you knew, and you couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.

      Perhaps the most important was the fact you accepted yourself for who and what you were. The result was kind of bulletproofing from the judgment of others. Because you felt so good about yourself, because you felt self-determined and in control, you couldn’t care less what others thought about you. It was YOU that mattered, not in a selfish way, but in a confident way. Without judgment you were proud of yourself and walked with a sense of pride and self-assurance. You weren’t sure what the future would bring, but you were sure that you could handle it. Self-acceptance was the foundation of the happiest time in your life and it was the engine that powered the train.”

Little Indulgences

Here are some of the suggestions on how to treat ourselves via Cynthia Macgregor’s book, Little Indulgences.

1. Write a poem about someone you love–your beloved, a close friend, a family member. As you write it, you’ll remember all the things that you love about that person, and why he or she is special to you. - I’ve done this so many times already and Ill keep on doing this:)\

2. Mark a memory. Sit at the computer or curl up with a notepad and a good pen and remember-in exquisite detail- one of the most wonderful things that’s ever happened to you. It could be your first kiss, your wedding day, a surprise birthday party that truly was a surprise. Dwell on how wonderful you felt then and feel those emotions returning now.

3. Go to a salon and have your eyebrows professionally shaped. — never done this yet but I’ve always wanted to. I shape my own brows and they’re not good, hehe:)

4. Start a gratitude notebook. (A small, inexpensive notebook you can carry in your bag works just as well as a fancy journal.) List all the things you are grateful for. Add to your notebook from time to time. And read it over when you feel like life is dealing you a nasty hand.–I always carry a notebook, a notepad or a journal in my bag. I write my daily sentiments in life. But then, it doesn’t need to be just a ’sentiment’ thing for me, yeah, I can make a space dedicated solely for showing gratitude.

5. Give yourself permission to procrastinate.– I do this, I think, everyday:)

6. Give some time to a charitable or other do-good effort. Be a ‘big sister’, teach an adult to read or simply stuff envelopes for a fund-raising drive for the local library or homeless shelter. By doing good for the others, you’ll feel good about yourself.– I’d like to try this but I always procrastinate. I don’t need someone to go along with me to be able to do this. I can try this alone–I’m trying to psyche myself hehe:)

7. Read the employment ads–and not just the ones pertaining to your current career, but every ad. Imagine yourself changing careers in midstream. What else would you like to do? Now, are any of these temptations actually feasible?–hmmmmmmmmmm….

8. Write a fan letter to your favorite singer, actress, writer, or other performer or artist. Don’t gush- say why you’re a fan, praising the person’s work honestly. Who knows- you might get a personal reply.– did this once though I didn’t get a personal reply..as if. hehe:)

9. The next time you visit your favorite restaurant, don’t order your favorite food. Order something new and different and daring!– Yeah, I might. I always order the same food over and over again. I’m not that very adventurous when it comes to food.

10. Go for a walk in the moonlight, away from the street lights, and enjoy the panoply of stars above. Watch carefully- you might be lucky and get to see a meteor.– always wanted to just walk under the moonlight, with someone special. When will I be able to do this? sigh.

11. Forgive someone.Decide for yourself whether or not to tell the person you’ve forgiven. Sometimes it’s enough just to privately forgive.– Yeah, I agree. But it’s still best to tell the person face to face that he or she is forgiven.

12. Go to a sidewalk cafe with a good friend or alone, enjoy a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or a bite of food, and people-watch as you eat or sip. — we do this a lot and it has always been a relief for me that we can indulge ourselves and be happy and content even by just sipping coffee or gossiping hehe:)

13. Cheer someone else up. Sometimes looking at the problems of others helps us put our own into perspective- and even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll feel better just for having made someone else happier.– very true!

14. Write a poem- any subject. The meter doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to ever show the poem to anyone. Just write it for your own pleasure.– this reminded me of Suby’s latest blog entry. You’re right there, Suby. Anyone who has a blog doesn’t have to conform to anything. It’s our own. We put into writing our private thoughts and nobody has to read it unless they want to, let’s write whatever we want to write.

15. Do something particularly nice for someone else. You’ll feel good, too.– so, so true! It’s an ecstatic feeling.

16. If you’re single, go on a blind date. –hehe, never tried this. Friends usually set me up for one but I always decline.

to be continued….

my knight

Last night you were in my dreams again. I liked dreaming about you because it connects us into another time, into another place. It makes me happy to be with you even in thoughts:)

I don’t know why. Maybe I still have feelings for you. I hope you do, too.

A busy fun day

Today was a lot of fun. I went out with my kuya’s friends (Nenet, Thea and Franklin). It’s good of them to invite me though my brother’s not with us since he’s on a 12 hour shift today. We ate lunch at China Buffet. Inside there were few Mexicans and Chinese and of course us, then the rest are whites. The food was good though I’m not really into Chinese food. After that, we went to Target store again because Franklin needed to buy some ‘pasalubong’ since he’ll be vacationing in the Philippines next week. He’ll be there for only two weeks. In almost every store that we go to there’s a clearance sale and that tempted me to buy. So I bought some shirts for myself and kikay stuff. Next we proceeded to Marshalls. Franklin wasn’t able to find an umbrella that’s especially requested by his mother at Target’s. There are so many goods on sale and all of us were able to find the things we want. Nenet wanted to have an ice cream so they decided to go to another mall, so we went. Thea, Nenet and I had our 3 flavored ice creams while Franklin had 2 tacos. Done with eating already, we decided to look around. I bought a Victoria’s secret body mist for my mother which I’m sure she’ll like. It was 7pm already when we agreed to finally call it a day.

I was rushing to the apartment by the time Franklin dropped me off because I needed to cook dinner for my brother. He requested for adobo and I haven’t prepared it before I left. Fortunately, he arrived at past 8pm and by that time, our meal’s cooked already. It’s my first time to cook adobo again.

randomness

1. It’s been snowing all day today, still we went out. Since my brother’s apartment is just across a department store, we decided to go there. I just bought some pasalubong for my brothers. Sa Old Navy nakabili ako ng shirts on sale. I was looking for a sweater for myself kaya lang sobrang malalaki ang sizes. Ang small nila is like large na for me. We drove instead to Walmart kung saan may mga cheap buys and there nakabili ako ng sweater for only 6$. So, XS ang size ko dito hehe:) Then, I bought some lipsticks, whitening strips and re-chargeable toothbrush. Naka-over a hundred dollars ako pero marami na rin akong nabili kahit paano. My brother told me that we’ll go to some other places where we can buy cheaper stuff pa.

2. My brother and his friend Nenet hate the winter season. According to him, they usually think of moving out of WI when winter comes. It’s sort of depressing siguro for them. Spring is better daw. Actually my brother is on his 5th year here already and by June mage-end na contract niya with the apartment that he’s renting. He wants to move to San Francisco instead. Well, I just hope that he’ll be able to convince Nenet too to move with him to SF para magkasama pa rin sila. I’m comfortable with her and she’s nice. Sana she’ll change her mind from Texas to SF.

3. I remember Ferna told me na baka tumaba raw ako dito, but I don’t think so hehe:) I think talagang hindi ako masyadong matakaw ngayon unlike before. Like tonight, I only ate fruits pero yun nga lang with 1 large soda. Ewan ko rin, who knows baka bukas tumakaw ako hehe:)

4. What I’m excited about is our trip to LA. It’s a 3 1/2 hr flight pero okay lang because I want to see disneyland, hehe:0) Kasi I want to have lots of picture there, yun lang. My brother has booked a hotel for us already and we’ll be there from Feb 7 to 11. Wow, I’m so excited! I think I’ll love it there and I’m sure there’ll be lots of places to see.

first timer

Got here in Wisconsin yesterday.. at last. While on the plane, I thought it would be better if I take a sleeping pill ’cause I’m not really comfortable in long flights. Well, I didn’t need to take a sleeping pill ’cause I slept all the way through. So, the 11 hour flight from Japan to Detroit was bearable. I wasn’t really disturbed by the turbulence as i thought I would be. Detroit’s airport was big and beautiful. There was a tram too that you can ride to get you to your destination gate but we didn’t take the tram anymore. We opted to walk. From Detroit to Wisconsin, it only took us 50 minutes. We were the only Filipino/Asians there kasi papunta na ng Wisconsin. Unlike yung to Japan and Detroit, mixed pa.

Nenet, my brother’s friend picked us from the airport. On the way to the car, that’s my first encounter of the snow. Gosh, it was so cold, cold, cold. I guess, if I’ve stayed outside for more than 7 mins, nanigas na ko hehe:) The wind easily dries out your skin and super unbearable ang cold. I was already wearing layers of sweats inside plus a coat, still malamig pa rin. Well, it’s just my first day. I’ll adapt to it in a few days (I hope so).

When we arrived at my Kuya’s apartment, I tried to smoke at the patio (since ayaw niya ng nags-smoke hehe), wala pa yatang 1 minute ako outside hindi ko na kaya hehe. I like his apartment, it’s big and minimalist ang style niya plus he lives alone so perfect for us yung apartment. Later afterlunch, we’re gonna watch a movie…action/thriller (I forgot the title). And siyempre, I wanna see more of the place, I hope lang I can cope with the cold..

..I gotta go, need to take a shower and watch a movie..maya ulit.

spur of the moment

The same old feeling returns…confusion, doubt…

It is difficult to ignore the things that one sees.

It’s like trust is still non-existent. Disappointment and frustration set in,

That feeling has long been absent. I did not miss it.

Totally erased by a new ray of hope…but I was wrong.

It will only be a circle…no ending.

It cannot be avoided thus the feeling will only linger.

And I will not bear it…

For there is another life beyond.

I know I am afraid of the unknown…but I will be ready for it.

For when it comes, it will be a different story…

with different ending..maybe not the best…

At least, better.

But who knows what fate will bring to us all?

I will look into its beauty with different eyes.

With different perspective.

….

I'm glad that I didn't binge on food last night though I did with canned soda. I basically even ate less than my usual consumption during holidays..good for me. I'm aiming not to gain weight anymore 'cause I'm currently at 105lbs already. The temptation is ever present but it has become a habit now to only eat when hunger sets in. I'm trying to eat healthier foods now like nuts and fruits though I don't deprive myself with sweets once in a while.

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To date, I'm now at page 11 of the Oxford American Dictionary, still at letter A..hehe;) I have started this (improving my pronunciation) I think, 2 or 3 months ago. I realized that there have been words that I was mispronouncing. I used to ignore the pronunciation keys when using a dictionary thus mispronouncing the words that I rarely use in everyday communication. This is one thing that I really want to continue until I reach its last page.

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Last Thursday, I had my ear checked at Clinica Manila. I have an impacted cerumen that has been giving me a little yet tolerable discomfort for the past days. The doctor prescribed me antibiotic drops. Before the prescription, the actual process of  'taking out' of the wax was quite painful (the doctor actually advised me to put baby oil on it first but I wanted to have it removed on the same night). I still have the ringing and the buzzing sound that really affect my hearing. I hope it'll go away 'cause it's bothering me already. Using cotton buds are not advisable when cleaning our precious ears as they pushes the wax deeper to the ear canal. It slowly builds there and hardens. Well, I've learned my lesson…I'll only use cotton buds when cleaning the area that's visible.