eto lang ang nakayanan kong isulat…

Today is one of the days…..

It's good that Ferna invited me for badminton tomorrow. I'm looking forward to something that will take my mind away from what's gnawing inside me. Well, something that I don't want to discuss here anymore. After all, my gfriends know about it naman. Kanina lang, I was texting Vess and my college bestfriend, Flor  while I was inside the bus and in a way, I told them about my discontent..I don't know if it's really discontent pero so far that's the most appropriate word I can think of..whatever. It really feels good to have friends around. People who are always there to listen to you no matter what and no matter how many times mo na sinabi sa kanila. They still listen and they care.

I miss the days too with them…na like yung tipong naglalakad lang sa mall, nagtsitsikahan, tsismisan, nood ng sine, food trip. Yung, you spend the whole day with them. I really miss those days. When I go to work, one of the things that I'm really looking forward to is to be with my friends. Kasi alam ko na kami-kami lang din nagkakaintindihan.

Hehe, can't write anything more..too sleepy already. Before I end, I'd like to thank you…Nyles, Ferna, Suby, Taj, Edi, Love, Jeannepowt, Flor, Vess, Jenny, Pam for making my life more colorful, more bearable, and happier!

Home Alone

I'm all alone now. Cheska has just left and Taj will be coming home from her belly dancing lesson at 9pm. I'm all alone in their house..tsk tsk.. I locked the doors 'cause there are 3 men outside having inuman session. I'm really afraid.

The reason I'm here is because I don't wanna go home yet. Anyway, tomorrow is my rest day and I won't be doing anything at home naman. I watched Cheska choosing what dress to wear and what earrings to use for tonight. She's having dinner with her bestfriend raw. After that, I arranged Taj's room 'cause it's so makalat. I also prepared her Die Hard 4 dvd so I can watch it after writing this stuff. Cheska also asked me when will I be moving in with them. I told her I've no plans yet 'cause I really want to be at home with my family at all times. I can't bear to be away from them and my dogs. And of course, the comfort it provides me like not doing any chores (hehe..tamad).

I just told Nyles (I'm chatting with her..using Cheska's pc) that it feels good to be home alone sometimes. I am seldom alone at home kasi. I'd like to have a taste of independence rin…like having my own place. Financially, I can't afford it yet (if I can, why not?) but there are so many things that I will miss at home.   

By the way, it's Ms. Con's last day today in CE. We were at the pantry kanina and we ate black forest cake & sylvannas (is my spelling correct? hehe). I also wrote on her birthday 'scrapbook' made by Lala. I thanked her for being good to me during my stay in Platinum. Kasi before I was scared to be under her team for the fear that I won't get along with her well. But I was mistaken 'cause we had a good relationship naman. Told her 'good luck to her new endeavor and to be always happy.'

I'm a little sleepy already but I'm afraid to be alone in Taj's room…kaya nandito ako sa ibaba. Ano na gagawin ko? I don't wanna go upstairs but the TV's there, too. Siguro, I'll wait for Taj to come home:( 

weekend ko

I functioned as a normal person this weekend…I did the things that I usually don't do on a weekend.

I cleaned out my closet. I changed my bed sheet. I cleaned my room. All of a sudden I had the energy to do these things. I'm a bum on weekends. I don't do anything at all, the whole day. I just watch TV and DVD the whole day in my room,if I'm bored of watching TV I'll surf the net and maybe chat for a while if friends are online. That's how I exists on weekends and I love it:) I cherish these moments, to be honest:)

But today is a different day because I let go of the things that I have been keeping for years. Many times I've been wanting to let them go but never had the nerve to do it. Now it's time to let them all go and I did! I arranged everything as neatly as possible and it's not me 'cause I'm not really a very organized person. It's not that I love chaos, I'm just lazy sometimes. And I know, come Monday the chaos will start again. I'm not that good in maintaining orderliness but I'll survive.

I hope that I will be able to let go of some emotional stuff too that I've had for years, for some people…. just like I did when I let go of my valuables.

APO

…the song goes on…"mahirap talagang magmahal ng syota ng iba" by Apo Hiking Society. Mahirap talaga. Unrequited. No Hope. All thoughts. All feelings. No reality. You admire. You look. No chance. No Nothing…whew!

I guess, this is how others feel when we love someone who loves another. You can't do anything. You feel you'll lose the battle anytime. Well, is there really a battle to be won over nor one to fight for? As much as we want to say yes, we're having second thoughts…most of the time. Is it really worth it? Are we willing to go beyond? Are we ready? Do we take that one step and maybe hope that everything will go well? Not easy, isn't it? If we let go and take that leap, we'll hurt someone in the end. If we won't, we'll hurt ourselves in the process. So what now? Do we go for what we wish for or do we just let it pass us by hoping that it'll soon end and maybe tomorrow it'll all be gone?

Yes, maybe we've gone through this a lot of times already but still each experience is unique. Each person is special. Each encounter is incomparable. Maybe….You wonder…. what if? You make a plan…how? You wish…until when? It's a mess. Love is? Life is?

No. Just one chapter in our lives. One page. One memory. Just another heartache. It'll be gone soon.

….so the song ended…I was listening to a newly downloaded APO song. And that part of the song caught me..hehehe. Just thinking aloud….Ohhh…the song is playing again! I'm beginning to like it more and more:)