night out

Last night me and my friends went to one of the bars in Quezon City. We also met with one of the student leaders then in college. T'was a good thing seeing old faces once again. The setting was nice and cozy. There were tables outside the garden and we sat there first and requested for seat reservations inside since live performance starts at 10pm.

Me and Jen cannot relate to what they were talking about anymore. Since Flor works for an NGO, she actively partcipated in the conversation. Pam, Jen and I talked about Miggy (Pam's son) who's our inaanak. Actually, I still haven't seen my inaaanak in person and received no gifts from me yet..hehe:o) since we really seldom see each other. But this Christmas, I'm going to give him a book which Pam said he really loves.

By 10pm, we went inside already. Well, we really did not enjoy the performance (her kind of music was not to our liking.) We were bored to death though our togetherness made the night more bearable. Pam made comments that made us laughed hard. Jen and I were observing the table next to ours and created stories out of what their facial expressions were. 

On Wednesday, the three of us (Me, Jen and Flor) decided to go out again and this time we prefer reggae. I told Jen I'm going to look for a place that for sure they'll like. So, 'til next Wednesday.

tribute to friendship

Tomorrow me and my college bestfriends are going to meet again after a long while. I’m so excited to see them. My friend Jen, who was based in Cebu and flew here, is anticipating the meeting as well. She told me weeks ago that she feels the boredom and loneliness there already. It’s not that she doesn’t have any friends there ( she’s a very likeable and super fun to be with person), per what she told me, if only we her close friends are there, too then her stay in Cebu will even be happier. She sometimes go out by herself and even sleeps in the office because she’s all by herself in the house where her company rents for her.

Jen and I are both single while Pam and Flor are both happy mothers/wives already. I still remember that I used to tease Jen about this guy who had a crush on her during college. She’s still friends with him until now unfortunately, the guy’s married already. Well, I hope that Jen and I will soon meet our partners to be….:o)

I really value our frienship. We’ve gone through thick and thin in our lives during college. Though after graduation we’ve separated ways and went on our own, we never forget each other and each time we meet, the bond gets tighter and tighter. They’ve taught me a lot and I appreciate their love for me as well. They are one of the reasons why I loved college life. We had so many meaningful moments together then. Ours is tested and strengthened by time and love.

Tomorrow, we’ll have a blast.

unfinished poem

I want to share my life with you and face the unknown.

I’m not someone known to take risks

But with you I’ll take that chance.

You know that I’m afraid.

You know I’m full of pride.

You just know me so well.

I want to thank you for what I learned about life.

Some of its complexities.

Some of its joy.

Some of its sorrows.

You taught me well enough.

I lost my concentration and now I can’t continue my poem anymore. Well, I’ll try again next time:o)

i carry you….

to the one who doesn’t know..who never knew….

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart and I’m never without it.  Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done, by only me, is your doing, my darling. I fear no fear for you are my fate, my sweet.

I want no world for beautiful, you are my world my true. It’s you or whatever a moon has always meant, and whatever a sun will always sing is you. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of root and the bud of bud. And the sky of the tree called life which grows higher and higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

” I don’t know what is about you that closes and opens, only something in me understands the voice in your eyes is deeper than all roses.”

- ee cummings-

this land is mine

This is one of my favorite songs in Dido’s Life for Rent album, entitled ” This Land is Mine”

from behindt these walls I hear your song, oh sweet words.  the music that you play lights up my world. the sweetest that I’ve heard. could it be that I’ve been touched and turned, oh lord please. finally, finally things are changing.

this land is mine but I’ll let you rule. i’ll let you navigate and demand. just as long as you know, this land is mine. so find your home and settle in. oh, i’m ready to let you in. just as long as we know, this land is mine.

after all the battles and the wards, the scars and loss. i am still the queen of my domain.  and feeling stronger now. the walls are down a little more each day. since you came. finally, finally things are changing.

this land is mine but i’ll let you rule. i’ll let you navigate and demand. just as long as you know, this land is mine. so find you home and settle in. oh, i’m ready to let you in. just as long as we know this land is mine.

for all the days i’ve travelled alone. in this cold and colourless place til now. it’s what i had to pay.

out of reach

knew the signs. wasn't right. i was stupid for awhile. swept away by you. and now i feel like a fool. so confused, my heart's bruised. was i ever loved by you?

out of reach, so far. i never had your heart. out of reach. couldn't see. we were never meant to be.  catch myself from despair. i could down if i stay here. keeping busy everyday. i know i will be ok.  but i was so confused. my heart's bruised. was i ever loved by you.

so much hurt. so much pain. takes awhile to regain. what is lost inside. and i hope that in time. you'll be out of my mind. and i'll be over you. but now i'm confused. my heart's bruised. was i ever loved you?

out of reach. so far. i never had your heart. out of reach. couldn't see. we were never meant to be. 

- gabrielle-

risk

I've always been afraid to take  risks and maybe that's why I have regrets. Though, I know that I shouldn't really take those things as regrets but lessons learned.  Deep inside I want to be able to get out of my comfort zone and try what others have tried, feel what others have felt and learn along the process.  I guess, I'm really stubborn. I refused to take risks and have proven it so many, many times. I'm still trying to discover that part of me that's afraid…that's inhibited.  I've learned so much from every encounter and relationship I had whether I did or didn't take a risk and whatever the outcome may be, I learned from life and people.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can finally let go of my pride and fears. I know there's nothing wrong with pride and fear, we learn from it but I know now that at least I should learn to compromise as well.  I know that the 'time' that I'm waiting for will come unannounced and and unexpected (hehe…sana nga) and I'm looking forward to it.

La lang, all of a sudden I thought of that one thing that occupies my mind lately. Yung mga what if's ko in life. Mga bagay na pinalagpas ko.  I know that one day, it'll come to me….it'll be mine. I'm not the type who easily gives up. I hold on to my faith. My faith is my salvation and thru that faith, I will be what I'm dreaming to be.  I will have what I've been searching for and I will love every moment of it:O)

an unforgettable dream

     The other night I had a dream. When I woke up, I was able to remember every detail of it. I know the people involved and one of them was kind of letting me know something. Well, let's call that person 'G'. I'm not sure if  'G'  holds a grudge over me or what…but even in my dream, that's how 'G'  is because 'G' used to do that to me. I don't know why I had that dream because I wasn't even thinking about it/them. And today, something that I never expected happened (the same people in my dream are the ones also involved in my today's encounter. ) That day too, when I woke up, I asked myself " is my dream telling me something?"  Now, I know that my dream and what happened today are somewhat related. It's no coincidence that I dreamed of it. But why?

     Sometimes, I'm dreading my dreams because this happened to me before too. What happened during my unconscious state may not be the exact event in real life but it's as if it's preparing me for something. I really don't know.  Well, it's okay…as long as nothing bad will happen.

     Ano na kaya next dream ko tonight? Hmmmm…..sana…I'll have a happy dream tonight )

YOU

I never felf alone.

I was happy on my own.

And who would ever know there was something missing.

I guess I didn’t see the possibility. It was waiting all the time but it never crossed my mind

‘Til you opened up my eyes. NOw all I think about is…

You in my life, in my dreams…In my heart I know it’s true

That I belong with you. Because of you in my world, in my arms

I have everything and now. I can’t imagine what I’d do….without you.

I never thought that love could be, such a curiosity

What attracted you to me, was so unexpected.

But it was waiting all the time and it never crossed my mind.

Until you opened up my eyes. Now all I think about is…..

You in my life, in my dreams.

In my heart I know it’s true, that I belong with you.

Because of you in my world, in my arms.

I have everything and now, I can’t imagine what I’d do…without you.

–by tara mclean–

sex and the city

     I was watching tv this morning and happened to switch the channel to 2nd avenue ( a new cable channel in our area). SEx and the city was on. Actually, I have the complete season in dvd of it but I cannot remember having watched this particular episode. Anyway, the scene was they were in a restaurant and Carrie was telling them that she felt embarrassed because she farted in front of Big. Miranda said it’s okay because she’s only human and human beings fart. Then Carrie answered that she just wants to be perfect for him because he is perfect.  Then another scene was, Carrie and Samantha were doing yoga and she told Samantha the same thing she told Miranda, that she farted in front of Big (she justified to Samantha what Miranda advised her that she’s just human….). Samantha had a different reaction from Miranda…that girls shouldn’t really fart in front of a man…and so on. 

     Carrie just wanted to be in her best self and behavior. She cares for the man that’s why she’s really worried that it might turn him off. And it happens to all of us, only in different circumstances. But usually the same feeling- shame, embarassment. Yes, it is a common knowledge that we’re only human and we sometimes do imperfect things but even with that justification, we still worry. Even I, in that situation? Yes, I’d feel embarassed. But of course, if the man is really interested and what he feels is true then it shouldn’t be a problem. After all, in some cases…it really is inevitable )

     Some of us wants to be perfect for others. We want to show our best self when we are in front of them. We don’t want to turn them off, maybe thinking that if they won’t see our flaws then they will like us more. But most often that not, it doesn’t happen all the time. Whether we like it or not, our flaws will show no matter how much we try to mask them. And it’s okay, we’re not perfect. The person we try to impress is not perfect, too. That alone, comforts me.